I need a shoulder

You know that feeling you have when you really need to talk to that person? That one person who will understand what you can’t really express to anyone else. The person who seems to just get you in ways you didn’t know possible. It doesn’t have to be someone you’re very close with or someone you’re in love with, it can just be that one friend who just seems to see right through it all.

I have been this person for a lot of people. I see through a lot of walls for people and it can be quite off putting sometimes. And I know that people put of those walls and guards for a reason. If I could explain how I am able to look right past it I would love to tell you but I do not understand it myself. Somehow however, I can just do it. I have a big heart and my empathy is very large, even though sometimes it reaches it’s limit. Either way, I’m also there for people when they need it. I’ve made a few late night trips to the hospital for people who just needed someone to sit there with them.

But if I do this for people and I listen when they need it, why is when I need it myself it’s not there for me? I have a few people in particular that I really rely on for this. However, the one person that I really need to talk to isn’t talking to me. I haven’t done anything and we go from being great friends to complete silence in a matter of hours. I know that person has some stuff to work through but I’ve always been there to help and talk. And now that I really just need a hug from that person, I can’t even get that.

I never realized that someone could come to matter that much to me. We went from being great less than a month ago to suddenly like we barely know each other. And the questions, ugh I’ve just had enough of it. How can I answered what everyone wants to know when I can’t even get a simple conversation started with you?

I should also mention that I hate being ignored from the people I consider my family, even if they’re not blood. It’s like a knife to my chest. And all I want to do is just get a smile. But instead I sit here, needing that shoulder from you and I can’t even get it. I guess I’ll have to figure it out myself and I will. It wont be as easy and I have some anxiety with it (which isn’t helping) but I’ll muddle through. The most important thing is that I know I’m strong.

I just wish you’d talk to me……


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